Asperger's on the Inside by Michelle Vines

And when there is no clear evidence, I use my knowledge base to formulate a common-sense, logical answer to problems. It is important to recognize that there is no malicious intent.īeing factual and honest seemed the only natural way to be.

Other people will know when to think rather than say something and how to avoid or subtly modify comments that could be perceived as offensive. This can give the impression that I am overly critical, grudging with compliments, abrasive, argumentative, and impolite. Sometimes the problem is not what I said, but the way I said it. However, being offensive is not usually the intention of the person with AS, who tends to speak his or her mind and unfortunately has greater allegiance to facts and the truth than to someone’s feelings. In AS people, due to impaired or delayed Theory of Mind abilities, the conversation can be a social ‘minefield’ with the tendency for the conversational partner to be offended by the comments, criticisms, and value judgments of the person with AS.

Such modifications are based on an understanding of social hierarchies and conventions and the need to inhibit certain comments when taking into account the other person’s thoughts and feelings. From early childhood, typical children adjust the topic of conversation according to whom they are talking to. Sometimes I can be criticized for being tactless or socially naive during a conversation, perhaps saying something that is true but would hurt someone’s feelings or is inappropriate for the context. I can be guilty of some of the following. Many people with Asperger’s syndrome consider a conversation to be primarily an opportunity to exchange information, to learn or to inform, and if there is no information to exchange, why waste time talking? I may be notorious for being verbose when interested in a topic, but when the subject matter is of little personal interest or has been introduced by someone else, I may be reluctant to participate in a conversation at all. Maybe my Asperger’s was involved in this “mental block”? Being a medical doctor and relatively intelligent, one might think I would have had more insight. It didn’t occur to me that I was saying things in a way that is generally not socially acceptable in most societies. I didn’t realize that my countenance was stern-looking, that I didn’t have a ready smile. As I write this at age 69, this may be hard to believe, but, until recently, I never understood why. Despite being highly successful at virtually anything I put my mind to, I have been a social disaster.

And frankly, I don’t like most people like me.

Asperger's on the Inside by Michelle Vines